Away

Everyday feels like a goodbye.

I had moved to the Ohio boy house for the summer and danced in the festivals and the warehouse parties. Then Fall came and I found myself in a little home with Ryan and Whitney a block from Jackson's Corner with their terrible expensive salads and sweet cashiers.

And now, in less then a month, we will be gone to Europe.
Everyday feels like a goodbye.
Before he moved to Oregon from Ohio, Ryan told me in the last month everyday was a going-away party. He got on the train west with Arthur dizzy from the last night in Cincinnati.
"I kind of didn't want to leave. It was so fun."

I was eluding to never coming back. Now I keep eluding to July. I don't know what will happen. There is a lot of uncertainty and the best strategy is to give up as much as possible to prepare.

Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Belgium. Who the hell knows. We are going. We are leaving for a spell. I just want to get away for awhile. Become uncomfortable in my own skin. Be scared and see with fresh eyes. I've been such a brat in the last few years, so comfortable and overly familiar. An old medicine, maybe.

(picture of birds)

The momentum picked me up. Last summer I got my waitressing job back and paid off a debt accrued out of living outside of my means and lack of creativity. Moved twice and moving again next week. Year of the Horse, such a strong steady rhythm.

You keep asking me if I'm excited. I've been tired of answering that question. I don't like to hear the same question more than once. I am excited to finish this zine. I am excited to hang the cardboard flags on the rafters and make the teepee for Gold Rust, Second Son and the Rural Demons to play under. I am excited for the Heat party next Saturday at the Circus Center.

Where I am going in unknown to me. Meeting a stranger for a first-date, I don't know if I'm excited. I wish you could ask me if I was ready to which I will respond, "no."

I'm going away and meeting all the people I need to meet before I go. The universe is overabundant in support.

I wish you would ask "Will you miss me?" to which I will respond, "yes."

Right now, I am here. In my sweet Bend, Oregon. My sweet little home with all my little friends. Today I ran into the Whistler, who congratulated me on winning the Hottest Teacher award in the Source. Last night at the show there were hands all over me, in my hair, on my back, around my shoulders. This town is an orgy of hands and names and familiarity. Today Joel and I warned people on the sidewalk to avoid the dogshit. Joel put up a notice in his accordion case (next to the sign requesting $ for a song) "$ for warning about dogshit."

When I am away I will see your face in Brussels and Oslo. No doubt I will find you in a pub in Reykjavik and a concert in Paris. No doubt, I will look for your face among strangers.

Goodbye for now. I will miss you so. Thank you for you kindness. I look forward to being again in your arms.