There is this Robert Frost poem I posted awhile ago. It's the one with the birch trees bending under the weight of ice and how Frost speculates they bend because of a boy riding them to exhaustion. I like this poem - it has a relevance to my life. It's about loneliness and winter and choosing to believe in the fantasy rather than the reality.
There is this line across my palm which makes me smile. Lines across palms - they mean nothing, really. We are born with the lines on our palms and our way of clasping and gripping is predetermined and some believe the lines themselves can tell us things we always suspected about ourselves but didn't have the words for. ("Nosce te ipsum," - "knw thyself" in latin we often say cradling the prayer beads in our hands when the situtation has made us forget ourselves) Let me take a moment to explain.
The love line of my water hand empties like delta into the gap between my Saturn (middle) and Jupiter (index) fingers. When it comes to emotions, it says, I live in a fantasy world. So be it.
(There was once a girl who wrote a zine in this town, Bend, who drew pictures on her fire hand and xeroxed it for the cover of her publication. I liked this.)
Since declaring myself an atheist at fourteen I have carefully chosen new gods and picked through the mythos to create my own religion. That's what Frost is talking about - making our own stories, not listening to matter of fact Truth. You could say I am religious. I don't really want to get into it.
One day I want to own a brew pub in my house that is both a publishing house and a public house and I just call it, "Pub." There will be a few beers on draft made by my friends and bottles and everyone will drink beer and write zines together. There will be typewriters, desk space and a new drum in my xerox machine so everyone can make copies for a small fee. On Fridays we can host an event similar to The Moth Live Storytelling but not like a poetry slam. And someonehow my landlord and OLCC will not find out.
And then I realized. I have no role models.
I have no one to impress
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