Miscarriage

Take the sharp thing, barbed wire, strung across the land. The wildness will take it back, it will take time, but it will smooth the artificial borders. Be it the wildness inside of us that takes over us and brings it down or even when we are gone, the wildness will overcome. It is only in us that heralds the civilized, we are keepers of the holy shrine, the gold cow. The universe conspires against these laws and seeks always to restore order. Mel spoke to me about having her humanity stripped. Derek Jensen spoke of being welcomes into the forest after he told some tree taggers to fuck off.
When we use our powers for the wildness we are always doing good.

What a privilege it is to step outside and feel your humanity be stripped away. Shoe and Tail addresses what it is to be human. To have your humanness stripped away like dry bark from the Juniper Tree.

There's a part in the night when you forget the cold. Around the pallet fire with guitar out. When the neighbor asks to bum a cigarette and brings over a ukelele and harpsichord. We're trying to play Tonight, You Belong to Me, from the jerk but no one knows how to play the chords, or use the harpsichord. We get a few chords out, then fumble in the dark for the keys, for the words. And we forget it's cold.

My zines are miscarriages. This is a little dramatic.

At Joels's house - after the Super Bowl Game. I'm exhausted, but Joel has promised that I am to meet his brother Tony. Joel has built a fire and brought me a PBR in a wine glass. I am waiting. Joel goes in to get his brother. "He's coming. He's upset the 49ers won so he is playing a video game to try and beat the Ravens."

A fresh stump on the river trail, I stop my run and sit by it, count the rings. The tree has 26 rings. Same as me.

Bury grief, plant a seed.

Words Dahlia has made up:
Pierma: Uncut fruit. Fruit that has been uncut.
Ochopina: bath water that children can drink
Parkenna: Syd's poop
Bybea: Josie's poop
Paluda: both up and down



Before we ran from the cops Gary and I were drinking at Mcmenamins. I started telling him how Dad's the reason why I self-esteem issues. Gary cuts me off, "You're an adult now. You can't blame Dad anymore." And I say. "You're right. Ok."