This morning I

This morning I

woke up and saw my

heart beat in two little

tassels on my bed

As I lay under the covers
the vibration of my heart

beat transcended

from my body to the bed

to the two little

receptors I tried to hold

my breath, stay still but

they still shook ever so

slightly 70 beats per

minute? The bed and the

blankets were warm -

Kevin next to me was

warm - unnecessarily

warm - like a furnace

on a summers day - like

he's supposed too, like

I need him to be for

other reasons and times

And so rarely do I

feel this sad enjoyment of

life - this preemptive

longing for it - as if I am

dead and looking back

at a sliver of a fraction

of an experience like

a ghost haunting my

own past, trying to

remember what it was

to be alive and missing it

so much and suspending

the fact that I am alive

and loving it so much

Today is Monday - and

I'm in bed with Kevin and

I am more in love with

him than he is with

me

but today is Monday and

the traffic on Portland

is fair and the sky is blue and the bed is warm.