Dear Scott,
Hey there buddy, how're things?
My friend Natalie and I were thinking about making one of those saint candles for you that they sell at the Cucina as well as the Hispanic aisle at Safeway. We have some sketches lined up and one of us is going to send the company that makes those candles a letter describing what would be best to immortalize yourself in wax form. Problem is, you aren't a saint YET, and you haven't taken the steps to be canonized. Before you are canonized you must be dead. Then you have to wait 5 years after which your case is reviewed by the local Bishop (his name is Robert Vasa and he kind of looks like an older Angels & Demons version of Ewan McGreggor) and a holy investigation into your life begins. People are interviewed and your entire life is reviewed. After this everything gets send to Rome for more analysis but don't worry, you will be dead so I will make sure everything goes according to plan.
One catch here: there has to be proof of a miracle in your name following your death. It would be helpful for someone to come forward besides myself (because I seem rather compromised being so close and all) but, if needs be, I will come up with something.
It would also be helpful if you died a martyr. Keep this in mind.
It would also be helpful if you died a martyr. Keep this in mind.
Love
Rachel
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