Possible Central Oregon colloquilism up for submission in mainstream speech:
Scott Hanson: verb or noun
I don't need to go to get a degree in graphic design, I'll just Scott Hanson it until I make it!
A polluted version of the American dream whereas in the American Dream you go to school, work hard and then get the job of your dreams you just work hard and try to get the job of your dreams.
At first I wanted to go to med-school but then I dedided why not be a Scott Hanson and go right into my own private practice?
Some people go to culinary school, I just Scott Hansoned and now I'm executive chef at a resort!
In a act of Scott Hanson some level of deceipt is required, e.g. not discussing education but focusing on work experience or the opinion of quality references.
A royal Scott Hanson: getting a really sweet job with the lowest possible credentials (and perhaps under the lowest but evading the issue during the interview)
I pulled off a royal Scott Hanson to get this job! When they asked about my education I let a chicken out of my briefcase!
Showing posts with label Scott Hanson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scott Hanson. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dear Scott #11
Dear Scott,
What if, in your trial, instead of a lawyer you had a person impersonating a lawyer? And instead of a real judge you got someone who wanted to be a judge someday but never had time for law school and instead of a jury of your peers you got a bunch of people rounded up from the street enticed by free coffee?
What if it wasn't a trial at all but a play? And everyone rehearses their roles so well it feels like real-life instead of actually being real life? What if you never injected anyone with fluids in the first place or removed bits of infected chest tissue and you before each procedure you would whisper into the ear of your patient, "this is all pretend," and they would follow along with the plot and character development and you could still feel a sense of accomplishment?
More ideas coming your way,
Rachel
What if, in your trial, instead of a lawyer you had a person impersonating a lawyer? And instead of a real judge you got someone who wanted to be a judge someday but never had time for law school and instead of a jury of your peers you got a bunch of people rounded up from the street enticed by free coffee?
What if it wasn't a trial at all but a play? And everyone rehearses their roles so well it feels like real-life instead of actually being real life? What if you never injected anyone with fluids in the first place or removed bits of infected chest tissue and you before each procedure you would whisper into the ear of your patient, "this is all pretend," and they would follow along with the plot and character development and you could still feel a sense of accomplishment?
More ideas coming your way,
Rachel
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Dear Scott #10
Dear Scott,
Hey... me again.
I have a confession to make.
Sometimes I impersonate a French speaker.
I have found it quite simple deluding friends and strangers into folly by reciting the entire Hail Mary in French as well as the French bit of that Beatles song "Michelle."
"Michelle, ma belle. Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble, trés bien ensemble." I roll it off my tongue like an unsavory mouthful of creamed corn. By this point I have my impressed victim in the palm of my hand.
This is kind of like impersonating a doctor. I, similar to you, want people to think I'm brilliant and worldly. Lord forbid the day someone drags a French person to me demanding to hear my lack-thereof skills in action.
The truth is Scott, we both want to be masters of our selective fields without going to the extent of actually taking those essential steps. We simply want to be admired, envied, and loved.
This said, there isn't enough credit given to the gentle act of self-depreciation. Sometimes admitting you're not amazing is the first step towards success. Sure, we're awesome; I mean, I write a little book every season and you already have a great story to tell your future patients!
A more thoughtful,
Rachel
P.S. Sometimes it's just not appropriate to "fake it, until you make it."
Hey... me again.
I have a confession to make.
Sometimes I impersonate a French speaker.
I have found it quite simple deluding friends and strangers into folly by reciting the entire Hail Mary in French as well as the French bit of that Beatles song "Michelle."
"Michelle, ma belle. Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble, trés bien ensemble." I roll it off my tongue like an unsavory mouthful of creamed corn. By this point I have my impressed victim in the palm of my hand.
This is kind of like impersonating a doctor. I, similar to you, want people to think I'm brilliant and worldly. Lord forbid the day someone drags a French person to me demanding to hear my lack-thereof skills in action.
The truth is Scott, we both want to be masters of our selective fields without going to the extent of actually taking those essential steps. We simply want to be admired, envied, and loved.
This said, there isn't enough credit given to the gentle act of self-depreciation. Sometimes admitting you're not amazing is the first step towards success. Sure, we're awesome; I mean, I write a little book every season and you already have a great story to tell your future patients!
A more thoughtful,
Rachel
P.S. Sometimes it's just not appropriate to "fake it, until you make it."
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dear Scott #8
Dear Scott,It indicates on your facebook your interests are: Medicine and Firearms. These make for a very interesting doctor, do they not?
Also: you are interested in meeting women on facebook? I wonder what kind of woman you would be interested in? I am a journalist impersonator, but perhaps you are looking for someone impersonating a more prestigious title...
I noticed you also like the Saw series. Namely, 1, 2, 3, and 4. You did not mention Saw 5, why is this? And of course, I find it truly disturbing that you are a doctor impersonator and appreciate the Saw series. And you say you like Falimy Guy. Is this anything like Family Guy?
Still interested,
Rachel
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Dear Scott #6
Dear Scott,
Hey there buddy, how're things?
My friend Natalie and I were thinking about making one of those saint candles for you that they sell at the Cucina as well as the Hispanic aisle at Safeway. We have some sketches lined up and one of us is going to send the company that makes those candles a letter describing what would be best to immortalize yourself in wax form. Problem is, you aren't a saint YET, and you haven't taken the steps to be canonized. Before you are canonized you must be dead. Then you have to wait 5 years after which your case is reviewed by the local Bishop (his name is Robert Vasa and he kind of looks like an older Angels & Demons version of Ewan McGreggor) and a holy investigation into your life begins. People are interviewed and your entire life is reviewed. After this everything gets send to Rome for more analysis but don't worry, you will be dead so I will make sure everything goes according to plan.
One catch here: there has to be proof of a miracle in your name following your death. It would be helpful for someone to come forward besides myself (because I seem rather compromised being so close and all) but, if needs be, I will come up with something.
It would also be helpful if you died a martyr. Keep this in mind.
It would also be helpful if you died a martyr. Keep this in mind.
Love
Rachel
Dear Scott #5
Dear Scott,I thought of this really lame joke. I hope you like it. Here goes:
What do you get when you mix you (Scott) with Che ...
SCOTCH!! I thought of that on my own...
Rachel
PS: Good picture Natalie
Dear Scott #4
Dear Scott,Why don't you have a facebook account? It's so difficult cyber stalking you on the local news everyday... plus, they don't have any new information...
Hey Scott, sometimes when I google you I put "Scott Hanson Oregon" and there is another Scott Hanson who makes marine life furniture sculptures! That's pretty cool! In one model he has a manta ray table where there are two manta rays supporting a piece of glass. I think marine life memorbilla is kind of cheesy but it's nice sometimes if you want to renovate your coastal get-away.
Thanks for being there,
Rachel
Dear Scott #3
Dear Scott,
When the newspapers said you might of had a dental office in your house all I could think was, "where were you when I needed that root canal last year?!" Seriously, Scott! I am still paying off that fricking root canal that costed close to two thousand dollars!! For a person without dental insurance this all comes out of pocket. And I want to go travel! I want to save my money and fly to Ireland, fall in love and have wee ones! My sexiest years are unraveling as I work day in and day out to pay off this root canal debt! Not sexy!
Next time, when I need a root canal, you better not be living in the obscurity of Crooked River Ranch. You better have an established dental impersonator office down the street from my house. There's a really nice one off of Newport, a renovated video rental store. You could get that one! With all the money rolling in from desperate times desperate measures patients you could make 100 bucks an hour and the door would be swinging!
Your ever faithful fan,Rachel
Dear Scott #2
Dear Scott, Do you ever wish you were Scott Hamilton? He was a goddamn good figure skater. Remember when he would flirt with the judges and do back flips in competitions even when they were banned? Not only was he an orpahn but he could do a triple axle like a fricking angel!
But I guess it's easier pretending you're a doctor than a figure skater. I don't know much about either fields; figure skating or medicine but I'm pretty sure it takes more than a full spandex get-up with sequins to convince me of a good figure skater. If your a pro, you got to know what they hell you're doing.
As for impersonating a doctor, pretty much all you need is a lab coat and some complicated medical jargon off the top of your head. And Lord knows I'm not a good judge.
Maybe next time...Rachel
Dear Scott #1
Dear Scott, The local news keeps showing pictures of you and they really chinzed out this time and are zooming up on yearbook photos. There is one really awful one of you on what looks like a spirit day. For this I have suspicion that if the authorities ever find something on me the news channel is definetely going to do the same thing; find a picture of myself in the Redmond High School year book and zoom up on it. Or, if I ever died, god forbid, the picture they would use on my casket would be my High School track photo.
Did you ever think of getting some staged pictures in your repertoire, Scott? How about taking some pictures so they didn't have to use your old yearbook photos and that "fresh off the streets" mugshot photo they are spreading everywhere? What if you had an epic picture of yourself with your hand in someones chest, pumping their heart like they did that one time on Grey's Anatomy? Or cradling a crying child with a blazing fire in the background? It might have been wise to get some sweet pictures of you with your doctors lab coat and some equipment. A stethoscope around the neck against an azul backdrop would of made for a good shot.
Just some ideas my friend.
Rachel
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